We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The air taste purple.
Randomize
