Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
