evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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