when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize