I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
