why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
