I wish I could punch you in the face.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
