Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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