Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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