He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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