i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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