New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
