He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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