Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize