Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
