Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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