I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
