fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
