i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
