Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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