Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
