I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
