i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
