Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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