yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
where does the pee come out of this thing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
