I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
