Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
