I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
