a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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