Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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