I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
