there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
