Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
