At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize