so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
