We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
