My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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