I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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