so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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