I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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