Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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