So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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