i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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