hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize