I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
