Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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