just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize