I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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