it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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