Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
