Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
