Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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