Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
