i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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