Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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