i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
