And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
