remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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