So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize