I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
