just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
