Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
