DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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