My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
