Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
