I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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