you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
