ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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