I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
